I like the chip tune sound and feel you have going on in the piece. I think I would've liked it a little bit more if you brought up the tempo and put some arpeggiated moving lines some where in there. The mix sounds a little dry also. A little bit of reverb goes along way.

Change the instruments up also. Using the same instrument can make it feel like you're listening the same melody over and over again even though the melody is different. Composers will play a melody using one instrument and then play the same exact melody on a different instrument and people will think that its a new melody when in fact its just a new instrument with slight variations in the melody.

Overall you have a good start to something here. Keep at it buddy! =D

This is a great piece of music.

There is a lot going on in this so. I would like the percussion to really come out. Just make that bass pop! There are a lot of good moments in the song. I'm no expert at electronic EDM style music but one of the common themes is heavy percussion and bass.

Also the melody is EXTREMELY heavy. I know that a lot of songs are heavy on the melody but thin out the melody a bit and give the listener time to breathe and process what they just heard.

Otherwise, I understand your struggle with music. I've been composing music since I was in high school and I'm now starting to sort of get the hang of it. A few music theory classes and orchestration classes will help you out a lot.

Music is a tough industry to be in. Not everyone is going to support your goals. just keep grinding and keep getting better. The road is going to be long for anyone who does music. Time weeds out the dreamers and keeps the believers